caution. may cause extreme admiration.

So, par the recommendation of Zach when he was helping me find a job this summer, I got hooked on Outside Magazine. Its incredible. Most known for the Best of 2009 or Gift Guide, it still boasts a lot of other really interesting articles. I have yet to look at the lists to tell ya the truth.

When I started reading this expose last night I knew I was getting into dangerous territory, but I couldn't help myself... gave in to temptation.... and regret it, I do not. Dudes, ever feel like you want to do something ELSE? Do something bigger? And are always scheming and dreaming of a life that isn't 9-5, earn a pay check? Most often when I get that way and start to poke about all I can find are "non-profits" with a generic website and someone who hosts a couple of events and talks about what they do online and for what charity they donate. Honestly, after about twenty of those people I get completely repulsed and walk away. I mean, that doesn't take EFFORT. That doesn't require a hardship inflicted upon your own lifestyle; where did you make a sacrifice? Where did you miss out on something, live without, or plan on doing either of those things? Making a website proclaiming your newly formed non-profit? Get real. How about the 24 year old who's living in Nepal washing her clothes in a drain on the floor and eating rice and cauliflower? But, thank you for doing something.
....
There is something to be said for people give in their own ways and not all of us are attracted to or have a desire to sleep on the floor and eat yuck for at least a year, but would still like to create awareness; for that, I applaud you :)

BUT, for the sake of your time, and my motivation, check this OUT. Here are a group of peeps out gettin it done, some making serious sacrifices, and taking contributing to the greater good to a whole new level. DIG IT. I gotta get my ass in action. This guy is 26. And the over-dramatic, sappy, hopeless romantic in me thinks I could probably hang out with you and have a REALLY good time. Kerri Rae my dear, I think I see what you were talking about. :)

i'd say its inevitable, go for the win, Roy!

talk is cheap. go for five.

sometimes i start to feel really thin. then, I stop getting on facebook for like a week and I feel all better again. :)

i've been doing a shit job at taking pictures. its that same thin feeling except apparently this one lasts more than a week. yikes.

christmas spirit has been lacking this year. not really excited about much.

{maybe something to do with a recent break up of what I thought was going to be a really fun relationship and it just went down the crapper? One of the hardest things to do is breakin up with someone without one specific REASON, just that, you know its for the better. You know that you're being worked over and as much as you want to stay in it and remember what it used to be like because you know how much fun it could be and you WANT it to be, but its not anymore. And quite frankly the other voice in the relationship doesn't give you one sliver of a feeling that they want the same thing too. Why did he do that?! How come you lead me to believe....? Argh. Sheer frustration. and serious disappointment and well just plain BUMMED OUT. Sadness all around really. I thought you an awesome person the more I go to know you and just thought that the world was yours for the taking; you were a doll but then something changed and you took that praise and left me behind deer in the headlights. Since when did you get too good to be in this relationship? HAH. And quit telling me how I should pursue Law School and shouldn't have given that up for you. OH SCREW YOU. SCREW YOU. Thanks for supporting me. That's just what I want from you, more criticism. All I want is someone to go camping with, watch a funny movie, check out a concert maybe, and hang with friends. I'll go to Law School if I want to go to Law School and I only told your parents I applied because I was making fucking conversation over breakfast. You're going to pick up a book someday, or you're going to hear someone speak my name in conversation, and you'll wonder. This hurts. I miss your attention. But, I don't miss the way you made me feel. } get off my back. and if you're sorry, trust me, not nearly as much as i am. :(

so, for the rest of the entry I already had written...

forget it. another day. maybe later tonight.

This world belongs to the enthusiastic. Ralph Waldo Emerson

love, love, love, love, love. this is a beautiful family. definitely an inspiration, not literally down to the point where I'm going to move to Australia and start loving animals, BUT, just in such following ones interests and having the passion for it. And that its okay! The enthusiasm for it. The honesty in their pursuits for the greater good without regard for financing, money, or material items. These kids are adorable and not because of their cute brown zoo suits and Australian accents, but because of their energy and enthusiasm for sharing what they love so much. Its contagious! I find myself re-thinking things and realizing that those things I've been excited about, are GOOD THINGS! And that is not to be determined by others, but by one's own decision. Follow that, follow that voice! I'm sure many of you are like "duh", but this is huge for me. I mean I come from a family that could give a crap about sports and athletics and find no real benefit to be gained from participating. WHAT?! Yikes. Teamwork, goal setting, benefits of hard work, maybe? Anybody? Bueller?

Anyway, I really loved this clip. Got me all fired up and sappy. She's a great lady, he's a great guy, I want to try and learn a little something from them, and HOPEFULLY, be a little more, live a little more, like they do :)

calvin and hobbes - a classic.

How to Choose Cross-Country Ski Touring Gear.

as stated on the REI Expert Advice website.... "ask your sales associate for assistance in choosing the right pair."

Thanks, REI. Thanks a lot. Quality, no, MONEY advice right there. Yes, because I have a sales associate sitting in my bedroom in podunk Oregon; how silly of me not to think about asking him instead of getting online and sifting through blogs and jibber! Let me just drop what I'm doing while he and his stunning white smile hidden amongst five o'clock shadow takes his handsome manly hands and gently fits my foot into the perfect UK boot as he explains to me the pro's and con's of 3 pin bindings vs. NNN, or better yet SNS. Would I like to join you tomorrow to check out a new trail you found in the Eagle Caps? Sure. Actually, I heard Denali boasts some beautiful terrain... How about we hop on the float plane and go check that out next week? Can we bring a tent? You'd like to do so some back country camping too? Shoot, I am going to have to be in Seattle by next Friday, its the Battle baby and my friends are funnier than hell. What's that? You're free? Oh sheesh, in that case, its on. I'll bring an extra Kennel shirt and we'll make a whole vacation out of it. :) yes, i think you're pretty bad ass too.

ty's tat.

a new tattoo my friend Tyler Knott recently got.

I absolutely love it.
This makes me want to put into action my idea of having a plain wall in my room that I can paint quotes and things that come to mind I want to remember. THIS would definitely be a big one splashed across the whole thing.

coastal cabins, northland, not a day goes by....

been looking at these a lot lately....

the birth of crazy a

coming home from town tonight I found myself coming up on the truck in front of me pretty fast so shoot, we'll just buzz right around him.... right? HA! There are SIX cars in front of this guy! NOW, imagine yourself on a good five mile straight stretch out through farm fields in the late evening... Six cars is no feat for the red rocket! So zoom zoom right on by because dammit, welcome to Miami where the players play. Drop the car into third and watch the RPM's rise! Its this very thought process that had me reminiscing...and formulation the list that attests to the nickname I've managed to carry with me all my life...

• Back in High School my boyfriend and I would take our cars out and race. Over and over. And over again. So fun. "I won!" "No, I WON!" "Fine, lets do it one more time, and THEN we'll know."
  

• On the way home from practice (and especially if I was driving my dad's elcamino) my girlfriends, specifically Liz and Emili, would race to Summerville where we'd get into a made game of a combination of hide and see and tag. In our cars :) Vroooooom! Heads up! Round the corner, hear the tires squeal, spot the headlights ahead jetting off to the left, shove the pedal down, the car drops a gear and grips tight into the road, taking off after the 80's civic. Where'd she go?.... SHIT! Right behind ME! BUSTED! Swing to the right, head down the side road, still being chased! Lose her on the straight stretch!.....
  

• Before a home game with a couple hours to kill, we load up Rachel's car and jet off to the store to grab some eats - with a side trip through the MASSIVE mud puddle that slightly resembles a duck pond, out in front of Wagner's Seed. Forty golden and glorious minutes were spent screaming through that muddy pit of water full of debris. The first attack is always the best. Here you sit, eying the massive brown area unsure of its depth and what may lie beneath the surface, and two people in the front seat who regard those matters as small details... TROUBLE! Wicked fun, trouble. After the first blow we ventured beyond to find MORE mud behind the building and created quite the race course full of a blinded windshield and endless amounts of squealing laughter bolting from within and frantic glimpses of our lives coming to an end. Eventually I got greedy and the car came to a sluggish halt... Rache opened the passenger door when the backward forward motion wasn't getting us anywhere, and we found ourselves flush with the mud! HAH. Picture this.... four baller chicks in dress clothes (twas a home game people!) calf deep in mud PUSHING while the crazy one yells from within, "READY?! PUUUUUUUSH!" In the end, with an irreplaceable co-pilot like Rachel Lowe mastering the windshield wipers and myself behind the wheel disregarding the apprehensive comments we were un-stoppable. That puddle may have claimed R. Lowe's license plate and one or two(?) of the Prelude's hubcaps, but oh, we won the war, we SO won the war. And the game too, I believe.

• Lets see, Friday night after a basketball home game watching movies, Howard and I head out on the four wheelers for a night ride up the mountain. Ten minutes later, STUCK.

• Driving down Hunter after a stop in for a JBC(Junior Bacon Cheese), we pass a giant dump truck of sorts. Em hucks a cream packet at it. For the next twenty minutes we're hauling ass down any random route I can think of, through FIELDS even!, to try and outrun this maniac of a dump truck driver who is chasing us down!!!! ...."Amy maybe you should slow down" as we bump along a small rutted dirt road through some fields... "Nah, its okay, I've been on this road before." BAM! SLAM! WHAM. Off a bit of a hill and RIGHT down into a pot hole. Awesome. :)
  

• I'm sorry Em C, I didn't mean to do that in your car.

• Eight years old. I was writing/illustrating a story for school and wanted it to look professional so I asked our neighbors if I could please use their computer. I jump on the four wheeler, head on up, and got to work. Zoom on home. The story still stands, "That girl needs to slow down on that bike!" Same old problem. The is bound to get me into serious trouble someday.

• Late for school. Pour the milk in the bowl, hit the car, peek through the tiny opening in the frost at the bottom of the window. Drive the six miles to school with my knee. Perfection. Getting caught going 120? Not so perfect. Shameful and awkward dinner conversation that evening. I'm sorry Mom and Dad. I promise, I haven't done it since.

You guys think this is bad? Funny? Lame? I'm not a drop in the bucket compared to the stories my cousins have got! Yikes! And we are HARDLY tapping into the endless farm stories, good lord! But if you ever find yourself accompanying me to a family function where people are in the mood, the stories get pretty awesome, I mean, interesting :)

to break up the groove....

I just spent last week in Montana and am back home only to be jetting off again to Washington tomorrow! I wake up this morning and Mum has got the kitchen FULL of things ready that she wants to get baking when she gets home. The wheels have been turning since she got me the book "Hello, Cupcake!" . Now, I know I'm busy and have other things I should be working on sooooooooo, I could go for something like thisss....

OR, we can get serious, do it RIGHT, go big or go home, and whip out a dozen of.....

THESE!

Call it what you want, but I am excited to spend a good portion of time working on making some super fun cupcakes. I think I'm going to break it up a bit by making some leaves and maybe some acorns... Wish me Luck! :)

oh my gosh, I almost forgot,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU!!!!

oh the possibilties. but for now, we'll be thing one and thing two for Halloween.

few days at home, feels great to be here, and only because there is much to be done, and its all OUTSIDE :)

what do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm asking myself, and here are some answers. Written down purely so someday, like six years from now, I can look, maybe laugh, or maybe check a few off....

1. Own an ice cream shop in Helena Montana.
2. Open a gym in LaGrande Oregon. Its doable, and its in the works. - Strike that :)
3. Be a High School English Teacher.
4. Be a superintendent. Or principal.
5. Be a college professor.
6. Live in New Zealand.
7. Go to Africa and teach teach teach and play play play.
8. Do that every two years.
9. Build my own home. Or at least do it with my hubby :)
10. Design. Landscape.
11. Run a construction company with my dad.
12. Own a glacier/hunting/fishing/outdoor excursion business with my bro. He flies the choppers, I do the walking and talking.
13. Do freelance photography. Or at least contribute/submit to something.
14. Do a photo shoot for an outdoor label. Rock on. Be the model.


That's all for now folks. Time to head outside :)

if you want to see the world, you gotta get off the beaten path.

So this was kind of fun. I couldn't help myself, and not being able to resist, and giving in... is one of the best feelings ever. It was a budding desire and I gave in with no reservations. Feeling more lost and out of touch with the little giddy me that's so long been absent, I passed by a Historical Site sign along I-90 outside of Wallace, Idaho and while many of you wouldn't have a second thought for the brown road sign, it screamed to me "HERE I AM! AMY, COME AND ENJOY US." I know that's not grammatically correct, but really, that's kind of how it goes. I was alone in my car, with an agenda I was free to dictate. Damn straight I got off that freeway. It was a chance to explore, to wander, to enjoy, to learn, and to relish in. It was a road to which I knew no destination, a tiny sign displaying only an arrow and camera, and you couldn't have excited me more. WHAT IS UP HERE.......?! CHECK IT OUT! The rest can wait! This is where we are! This is what makes it AWESOME. This is where you get stories, where you get the "oh" factor, where you find the peace, where you see the 15 year old boy dragging out his 6 point elk with a bigger and more prideful grin than even Tyler Knott could put into words!

Slowly, I put my car in second gear, and everything stops. Even my radio seems to find itself turned off, my window rolls down, and the crisp 45 degree fall morning air fills my car. The occasional chimney smoke comforts my mind and as each leaf falls from the trees each breath goes a little deeper, a little slower. Random speed limit signs ask you to keep it under 35 and I glance at my speedometer holding a good 20 mph, and grin :) Further up I wander along the one lane road and when the first road side historical sign appears, I want to stop, but putz by, and then realize, Ames, there is no reason to drive on. You're here for you. Stop and read that baby. Its a short story explaining the ruins that lie before me; how in the 1800's when mining was booming in this small canyon, a war with the union went ary and became just that - a war. The gunfire broke out when stray bullets hit the dynamite demolishing the quarry. It was a sight to see, frozen in time. Amazing considering the spring run off that must come each year.

I continue on unsatisfied and unconvinced that this is all there is to see. My drive takes another hour or so of my Friday and what an hour well spent. I discovered a ghost town yet to be condemned and plenty of fall foliage to make you remember why October is one of the best months out of the year. The sun had yet to make its debut in the bottom of the canyon yet it lit up the tips of trees peering out just high enough, igniting them in beautiful color. Dew still formed on the veggies below and the quiet morning played a harmonic soundtrack for the six hunters who passed me on their four wheelers. Hard to believe I let someone pass me eh? I followed the road for quite some time until I realized the terrain I was on is of that which low profile tires aren't made for, so I turned it around :) Another reason why I miss my truck. All in all, seriously beautiful drive, so quiet, and exactly what I needed. It had been one hell of a rough morning and time spent like that is, well, time well spent. It wasn't about forgetting about everything else, but more of a chance to get to know the "M" function a little bit better on my camera.

a la san diego

I wouldn't mind having this on my back porch someday.... of a vacation home of course :) I'd miss the mountains and trees far too much otherwise. But for now, totally a sweet place to sit and sip a beer for ten minutes before we were whisked off again!

houston. we have a problem.

“But really, what is normal? This trip has opened my eyes to so many amazing, unbelievable and breathtaking things that I will never be the same. I don’t know when I will fill these pages with ink again, and I do not know where I will be when I do so, but I can not wait for it whenever and wherever it may be. This life is a beautiful one, and a much smarter man than I once said, “When we have seen Reality, there is not a grain of dust which has not a sublime meaning.”
Until then…”

.... IF blogger allowed me, or if I could figure out how, to reblog, this is one I would have done in an instant. Please excuse me for the copy/paste combo and give all credit to Tyler Knott Gregson.
While the preceding words hit home I can't say that I wrote them - how very glad I am that HE did. I don't know guys, you never think that it works out this way and I've spent everyday since March 13 TRYING, desperately TRYING, to get a grasp on what IS. My perception of everything hasn't necessarily CHANGED but I have absolutely NO idea what to do with myself. Now that I know, now that I've been, that I've seen, that I've FELT, I don't want .... no, let me rephrase that, I CAN'T, I physically CANNOT do anything less. But its left me with doing absolutely nothing. How very funny - I want to do it ALL, I want to do big things I want to act I want to probe I want to motivate I want to LIVE I want to enjoy I want to help and yet, I've done nothing.
Nothing.
And still, nothing. Sometimes I wish I never would have gone. And sometimes I wonder if its just me, but then, I read this, what Tyler has written so long ago, and I realize what I feel is very real. There are millions of NZ visitors returning to their homes continuing life, now and then bringing out the photo album to share when family asks how their vacation was. VACATION!? Hahahahaha. I WISH it felt that way! :) SO MUCH MORE THAN A VACATION!!! I realize that many people whom I haven't talked to (and really I haven't shared this with anyone as I've been trying to sort it out in my own GD head for the last seven months) that understand. I'm sorry. I'm guessing no one takes a second fleeting thought about the trip because to them, it falls under the category of a Mexican vacation, or a sweet Caribbean cruise... to me? Nothing of the sort! Not even in the slightest except that I took a plane to both places! It was so much more than that! SO MUCH MORE. I can't tell you! I feel silly so silly saying that, but its true! What happened to a girl wandering the roads of New Zealand on her own, exploring every nook and cranny that beckoned her interest... SHIT. That's how I feel about it. SHIT. You guys, its not TRAVELING that I so enjoy. No. I have no desire to see all ends of the earth, to do all that there is to do, to visit the wonders of the world... those are all wonderful things, but they are no source of motivation. Not for me. I am not an aimless wanderer seeking to find the next opportunity that allows me to travel to a new place and move on again in 8-10 months. I LOVE the adventure, but it has nothing to do with traveling. And I mean that.
So many opportunities surround us here, so many job openings and places of employment but the thought of working like that, of doing that everyday, that same thing where you make accomplishments and you achieve your weekly goals and keep the ball rolling and make your paycheck... makes me want to hurl. Not in the snooty valley girl sense of "oh my god, work? ew." But in that I really feel like its not fair. I want to TOUCH ALL ENDS OF THE EARTH. I want to be a voice. I want to be a voice. And sitting, working, doing one thing....
Hmmm foggy. Uncharted waters. I don't want to say too much because I'm not exactly honed in and I have a tendency to get over-excited and say things I don't mean.
The long and the short of it is, I can't stand it. I want to be more. I want to do more. I want to be a part of something big. And if not a soul on this earth ever hears about it, that's just okay with me. This isn't about fame or importance or recognition, heavens no. Even writing about it here is a bit of overkill for me, but I've been thinking about it NON STOP and I had to try something. I've been told "I hope you can be content"... and I've long tossed and turned and you know, I do too. But, I won't settle. A sin of itself to ignore what it is that burns inside you and to fight yourself to go another direction. Does everyone feel this way?

FOX on Demand

FOX on Demand

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just when you thought...

DANG IT.

I really don't mind hunting, as a matter of fact Zach asked if I'd ever want to go with him and I was thrilled! I had secretly been hoping he would ask me sometime... I've always wanted to give it a try. Walking about in the woods does sound like a lot of fun and the time of year is always so pretty.

Well, my excitement to join the fun just came to a screeching halt.

Last night was a bit of restless night, but upon looking outside, you won't hear my complaining. We live near the mountains - dealing with bears and cougars is a weekly and sometimes daily occurrence, but that also means we don't have to pick up the apples or plums from the trees because the animals eat them all. Couple of weeks ago I stood in the kitchen and watched a doe eat the apples ten yards from our back door while her twin fawns poked and teased her, more interested in playing than eating. Spots still on um people, talk about cute :)

Anyway, last night, the elk were BUSY! Sooooooo much whistling. At first, round eight o'clock or so, its a gentle peaceful whistle off in the distance but around one this morning, that bull might as well have had his head next to mine! WAKE UP! Little annoyed because this is like the fourth time this week, I peek my head up from bed to turn and look out the window. MY GOSH. Its dark, and I can't decipher much, but just off the grass there twenty yards away is a large black shape gliding along - looked like the size of a small car. Beautiful. Just incredible. Not a single noise in the night as he made his way through the yard. You could almost see the dew and the dark settling in around him. Another whistle. This time, I smile. I follow it as it disappears around the house to the front and fall back into my warm cocoon thankful for wake up call.

Uh, oh - more whistling. This time its six a.m. and the sun is making the sky above the mountains a bleeding watercolor of purple, blue, orange, and yellow. Okay, COOL. Where is my CAMERA!? Whistle, whistle..... I peek, sounds close again... DAMN. Right in front of my eyes, couldn't be more straight on, she stands at the edge of the basketball court facing right at me. She's small, but she's beautiful. Petite in body, tall in height. Warm chocolate brown with dark legs and a small head. More whistling and looking to the front of the house....

WOW.

Like in a movie, there they come; from behind and through the trees we have in the front yard, I watch craning my neck from my bed, the bulls. Nothing of trophy size, but handsome as can be. Walking slowly you can tell they are in no rush as she continues to squeak at them. She prances about trotting from the jeep to the other side of the pig pen, as they saunter through the yard, casually, in her direction. Purposefully they make their way, each step Their antlers stand only several feet tall but their bodies are thick and their shoulders are wide. Each step they take is purposeful yet you can tell they are in no rush. With their nightly feast concluding at the rise of the sun, I found myself completely still in admiration of the serenity they leave in their wake.

The trio disappear behind the walnut tree off to the thick of the forest behind us, but not a few minutes later she's back, and she's noisy! I look, and there he comes, one last bull, from around the front of the house. Having seen this scene bunches of times before I lie back down in bed and grab my mac to write. Its been a lovely morning and waking at 6 am to that kind of scene puts ya in a good mood! Deciding against, I'll do it later, I pop on Glee - I wanted to watch the premier as I missed it this week. As the show begins I chuckle to myself; I can still hear Dad snoring in the next room. This moment I had will go unknown to him, but then I'm the one to laugh at. Dad has seen the same thing more times than you and I can count. Just another fall morning to him :) And then it hits.

BAM.

Explosive. Loud. Extinguishing and unmistakable. I thought hunting season was over, but I guess I was wrong. I hope to God that the shot didn't meet its target and that they will come back tomorrow. I hate whomever is on the property behind us hiding, and waiting, because they knew that the trail through the trees was a well traveled one... Ugh. I don't know gang. This whole hunting thing is something I'm going to have to do some thinking on.

THE WORLD. on a wall.

So, I found an island, Admiralty Island, actually I shouldn't say I found it, its already BEEN found, but at any rate, I was checking out the map today and found a couple MORE Admiralty Islands, including the one we went fishin on in Alaska this summer, all over the world! Its fun the things a person can find on a map! Some people read books in the car, I read a map. I stare at it, study it, memorize it. I love maps! This one hangs in our living room - no wonder I like to explore new places huh!? I've got exhibit 'a', showcasing slash teasing me every minute I'm at home just flaunting the world in front of my eyes saying "aren't I preeeeeeetty? Don't you want to know what thiiiiiiiiiiiis looks like? :) Its not a fascination with travel, its a yearning for EXPLORING! Truly - it matters not where I find myself! But I always want to know...

Whats down that street?
Whats through that door?
Who is that person?
Why are they eating that?
Where did they get it?
Can we go there?

:)
Dudes, I'll fill up my gas tank and spend a day emptying it. For fun. I go down a road I don't know and make turns until I'm lost, then I try to find my way back. Through yet another different route. Until I'm hungry - then its time to find some FOOD! This map is huge. Its like 5'x4' and it really hangs, in the living room, right by the hallway and the dining room. And its so bad ass. You can't help but stand there every now and then and get lost in it all. Grandpa had one just like it in his office and when we'd visit when we were little I remember just running my hands back and forth over it feeling the oceans and mountains.... :) nostalgia..... Great Christmas present Danno!

back. BACK. BACK!

OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH... I'm BACK!!!!

I'm so sorry I cheated on you! That I bailed, that I left, that I went for that deceivingly greener grass! Forgiveness? I know you're not the Lord and even if you did have children how very selfish of me to ask you sacrifice them because I tried something new and now feel obviously horrible about it... BUT, perhaps you can find it in your hearts to check here from now on? Ridiculously frustrating on my account. I apologize.

I'm sorry.

I don't have much time here today, applying for this job has just got me all confused and pent up in ways I never knew possible, but I have to say that it feels better than ever to be typing in this text box and putting my plain black text on a plain white background. Its simple, and its free of expectation because it is, what it is. I love it. I absolutely LOVE it. You know what else I love?

Ice Cream.
So does Jennifer :) and lots of other people, but I know she really likes it.

Dang DUDES! Whew! Its like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm such a control freak. Or OCD? Who knows. Kept the name from Tyler though :) (speaking of, Tyler, thank you for putting up with my antics and being so incredible helpful and kind. Truly a star.) I really like it, he came up with a good one. And the whole "What chyou gunna do?" thing is, well, not OVER, but just doesn't have the same meaning as it did when I first made this thing. I'm telling you people. I feel much more sound in mind. Its incredible. How lucky all of you who've been this way since, well, whenever! Its a great feeling! :) I mean, obviously the future is uncertain, but there is a peace to it knowing that well, ya just gotta take it in stride. Okay, I'm done here. Enough soap boxing - ew. I can only be serious for so long before it starts to feel like I'm in a very small box having oil poured over my head drowning my entire body in a nasty weighted coating. Ugh.

Alright homies! Glad to be back! :) Glad to see your faces! Happy to hear about your anythings! In the least girly and sappiest of ways....

MWAH!

Ciao ciao. We'll talk soon.
amo. out.
hmmm... this page needs some green. time to HTML this mutha.

its not goodbye! just changin up the scene :)

Blogger, compliments of Google, I express my gratitude for your services and would like to extend my appreciation for all that you do, for others and for myself, but it is at this time, I must bid you adieu. Its not as though I've found a younger, much sexier crowd, but I will say that I have been swayed by a certain someone to venture forth into another realm of blogging and I dear say, after a few of his *MAGIC* touches, I think this move is something that's better for the both of us. Thank you Tyler. THANK YOU. I would still be up to my teeth in HTML....

Ladies and gentleman, without further ado, (is that the correct spelling?) who knows(!), I present to you.....


AMY ROCKS. OKAY?

Come one, come all! Please stick with me! :) Its a new beginning! Well, not exactly, just a change, but none the less FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW! I will miss you horribly, lets not even go there. All of you seem to be doing so well by the way :) keep it UP. I love reading what goes on in those minds of yours, and getting to share in some of your experiences makes being so far away a little less painful.

Many hugs. Many many hugs. Now, lets look forth, as they say in Alaska, to the FUTURE! Yay Palin. You think you can retreat to your humble abode and once again live a normal unexposed life? If only US Magazine worked that way....

"Sometimes you've just got to run like hell and get the agony over with"

words for the soul. a gonzaga soul.

GONZAGA CREED

As members of the Gonzaga Community:

We embrace Jesuit traditions of service, spirituality, social justice, and leadership.
We demonstrate honesty and integrity through respect for ourselves, others and our community.
We celebrate all people and cultures in pursuit of the greater good.

I choose to be a member of the Gonzaga Community.
I am a Zag, I am a Bulldog; together,

WE ARE GONZAGA.

inspired SLACKER!

Call a girl out - I'm a SLACKER! and how niiiiiiice. This, coming from the 24 year old female living with a HS friend and her handsome hubby who hasn't been in one place for more than two months in over a year and who is always quick to title another the depressive, degrading, and demeaning adjective... let me have it Alex. I'm a slacker.

Sure as shootin, my beliefs on my friendships has been confirmed - they are my everything. As soon as I feel like I'm losin sight, or drowning in my own millions of thoughts of critisicm, one of them unexpectedly pops into my life in one way, the first just as wonderful as the next - a text, a blog entry, a phone call, or a lengthy lovely email, there they are breathing life back into my soul.

Shout out, blog dedication(?) to Ming. And Josh. Tyler. Denny. Kayleah. V. Scott. Anna. Emily.... I'm losing sight. Lets stick with Ming. Let the story begin with Ming...

Struggling, and I mean STRUGGLING, to write the past couple of weeks, I sat down this evening like many evenings, one thing leading to another, open up Ming's blog and let the laughter ROLL BABY ROLL. Now I'm a believer, without a trace of doubt in my mind... nah nah nah. Cracked me up, her 17 post (no, the blog in its ENTIRETY) telling it like it is and confessing in (cough cough) unnattractive human tendicies in which we all dabble but most often won't admit! Ming - I love you. And yet I hate you. Why didn't you explain majoring in nursing at GU was the best route because it led to travel extravaganzas whilst helping the hospitalized?! Perhaps the hesitation I had sitting in Jane Hessinos office my freshman year was legitimate - giving presentations, drawing economic graphs and playing beer pong wasn't the best route to success... or rather, I just have yet to stumble upon (or found) the society of Gonzaga alums dedicated to speaking at Public Schools instilling a pillar of motivation to our youth asking them, challenging them, to believe in themselves, take pride in their work, and strive for a future of peace, justice, leadership, and service. . All the while polishing their athletic abilities in an activity of their choice. Pick up ball was the best hangover cure. I'll swear by it till they... forget it. I'll never stop swearing by it. Get up and get going you lazy.

I'm serious kids. I want to reach out. So much it makes me lips quiver.

meeeeow mamacita

YOU KNOW DIS!
YOU KNOW DIS FACE,
YOU KNOW DIS MOVE,
and you cant DE-NIE!

Okay, help me out dudes, my fellow blogatharians, what, WHAT is the little quotation graphic - " - supposed to do for assisting in our formatting capabilities? (and how do you quote a quotation mark? Mrs. Wilson, where are you when I need you....) I mean really though, I thought, awesome! Some kind of nifty feature that highlights a text that we found at an earlier point in time that proved some interest to us and we wanted to share via le blog. FAIL. Total fail. It simply indents what already IS plain text and fails to identity it in any other way. Excuse me please, google blogger programmers, I know you guys get paid bank, and I KNOW you have a creative coding that you so easily enter into your C++ Java to make YOUR quotations look cool, but what about those of us that lack those nerdly skills, and the oh so precious time to acquire them? And, please don't refer me to the "helpful" websites created by freelance shinanigans, because they only make it more confusing and quite disconcerning because they tease you with their catch phrases of "its easy!" "anyone can do it!" "simply.." blah blah blah.

BEWARE THE VIRGIN BLOGGER - DO IT YOURSELF CODING REQUIRES MORE THAN AN AFTERNOON!

At any rate, its a task which I am unafraid to tackle, and more than happily going to conquer. HOOAH! Those of you who know me, know this! Shoot, anything which we didn't know yesterday and took the time to learn today, is a good thing :) Lost my train of thought, gosh darn it Connor Haffey! How good does it feel to catch up, mmm Ketchup, with a sweet sweet friend? :) Lean wit it, rock wit it.


Photo courtesy of: Erin Kells. All rights free.

*some fun snaps of beautiful produce shoppin with Gram and Melinda*
:)

two words

roald. dahl.

Thank you. Have you ever caught a glimpse of the spine of a book quietly, discreetly, yet purposefully peeking from amongst the millions on the shelf, like a slight poke from the quiet child in the group, the sight of an elderly couple holding hands, witnessing the innocence of a new born baby calf and its freedom of life as it chases your car tail high flapping back and forth as the five year mothers look on chewing their cud. Okay, a little bit much on the last one. But its those things that make us STOP.REMEMBER.THINK.or rather on the contrary, to stop thinking. Today as I helped what I thought to be an out of control rambunctious group of third graders, discover the joy, and sense of self accomplishment in using good old Encyclopedias as they overcame the downfall of not having enough computers for everyone to use on finding information about their current research projects. Watching them reach for books in the dusty reference corner, and flip through the pages, eyes lighting up at new words and places they had never heard of or seen before was incredible. As they discovered a new species of the animal kingdom and changed their topic from jackrabbit to the exotic and viscious Jackal, those “lucky” students who were picking away at search engines were stuck reading cheap advertisements trying to find out what the name is of a baby monkey. Something to be said here. There. Gosh, seeing them shuffle through the pages, puling the books off the shelves, minds being exposed to new (just because its in an old book doesn’t make the information worthless) things was AWESOME! At the time I thought nothing of it, until, when the bell rang, and I was walking back across the library, I spotted it.

Is it just me, or did any of you get wrapped up in fictional words compliments of talented individuals who provided an escape, a world of wonder, of joy and laughter where you fought evil and not with swords but with acts of kindness and bold perseverance? Sometimes with the help of a handy sidekick mouse or cricket? Where kindness worked wonders and people acted purely out of love and selflessness. I remember reading Roald Dahl and drinking up every word, every chapter! Where did I forget that? To love the strange works? To love to read? To love to write? When did I let my brain convince my soul that English is boring and too hard, nobody likes the subject, its not a cool thing to enjoy, and there is no glory in consuming your life with play on words, exploration of others works, and the deciphering of what has been? To let your mind imagine to create, to explore, to wander and dream, and be what it wants to be, enjoying all that it finds appealing without second guessing the purpose behind it or the second opinions of the millions of people in this world? Being able to express feeling, complicated emotion, indescribable thoughts in a matter of only a few words is an art and task in and of itself! So much can be said in only two words yet we spend most our lives talking and talking, and texting and emailing or searching for what it is we cannot find, beating about the bush, wastefully using twenty when ten will do. Or even still, a lengthy explanation when a hug is all that’s needed. There is a reason when you attend a play or listen to a song, or read the Bible that the font arranged in that pattern on the paper strikes a nerve, encourages a tear, or unleashes laughter. What a beautiful thing!

mooooooooooooontana

in all this white.




we be black. booyah.

sexy can you? yes, yes you can.

To the patron sitting on the other side of the bookshelf from me, GO GET YOURSELF A DRINK OF WATER WOMAN! How many times do you have to clear your throat, give a cough, and make that wheezing sound before EUREAKA!, there’s the drinking fountain! Yes, there you go! Keep walking, you are headed in the right direction.

Here’s a thought for you – underwear in your purse. Shoot, underwear in any carrying tote that you happen to be sporting that day. Why is it, how is it, that we’ve all been there? Laugh out loud ladies, but if not yet; at some point in your life, you’re going to have underwear in your purse. I pray you’ll have underwear in your purse! If you haven’t yet, you haven’t lived. Don't judge.

For those I now pray for, having underwear in your purse is like the date you brought to the dinner party when you didn’t really want to. Sure, from the outside it all looks fine, but if they only knew. The “underwear” is inescapable. You try going making dashing off to the bathroom, to the buffet for tardy seconds, never staying in one place for fear someone will pick up on your uneasiness; but even after an hour walking down memory lane retelling countless inside jokes, you cant get your mind off it - he’s still there, and you’re going home with it. Might as well accept it. THE CURSE OF THE UNDIES IN THE PURSIES. My suggestion to you virgin of the dreaded dinner date – confess in a friend – ASAP. While not only will it ease your mind, you’re going to make someone’s day. I know the last time I received a text confessing her underwear were in her purse, at least until she reached the restaurant, I brought new meaning to random outburst of laughter. Thank you for that Anna Fleming. And let me express my deepest apologies to the Carroll student sitting nearest to me in the library… if they only knew….

embrace and immerse

MMMMMMM mmmmmm! Don't you just wanna believe!

Believe in something so special, to live in it, to trust it. To ignore the distractions, the constant critical comments opposing what it is you yearn to explore.

Torn but not in pain.
Invisibly confused.
Sadly distracted?

Freakishly perfect in time, place, and person.
Leaving me terrified and hopeful in what it is to come.
Brimming admiration of fellow queen-like strengths.
Independent yet connected, continual incessant love.

Hesitantly toying with...
Realistic fantasy?

Needless to say my return from New Zealand has left me pretty confused. Coincidentally it also left me with, A: a sweet sweet hand bag, B: a series of bruises and horribly knotted muscles, C: a half eaten pack of Tim Tams (BEST chocolate biscuits - ladies, I really did mean them to go to you), and last but not least, a taste for adventure I doubt will ever be satisfied!

A good thing? A bad thing? We're working on that.

God bless Hugh's neighbors, shame on me for spacing their names at the moment, and their lovely drugs from their last motorcycle accident. I'm telling you, sitting on a plane for 13 hours immediately after that tumble? No amount of alcohol could make a difference. Thank you lovely ladies who didn't want their first class champagne! AND, you guys, don't go wasting five bucks (or $1 if you love the Red Box as much as me!) on My Best Friends Girlfriend. Awful movie. Dane Cook? Stick to stand up.