few days at home, feels great to be here, and only because there is much to be done, and its all OUTSIDE :)
what do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm asking myself, and here are some answers. Written down purely so someday, like six years from now, I can look, maybe laugh, or maybe check a few off....
1. Own an ice cream shop in Helena Montana.
2. Open a gym in LaGrande Oregon. Its doable, and its in the works. - Strike that :)
3. Be a High School English Teacher.
4. Be a superintendent. Or principal.
5. Be a college professor.
6. Live in New Zealand.
7. Go to Africa and teach teach teach and play play play.
8. Do that every two years.
9. Build my own home. Or at least do it with my hubby :)
10. Design. Landscape.
11. Run a construction company with my dad.
12. Own a glacier/hunting/fishing/outdoor excursion business with my bro. He flies the choppers, I do the walking and talking.
13. Do freelance photography. Or at least contribute/submit to something.
14. Do a photo shoot for an outdoor label. Rock on. Be the model.
That's all for now folks. Time to head outside :)
October 22, 2009
October 16, 2009
if you want to see the world, you gotta get off the beaten path.
So this was kind of fun. I couldn't help myself, and not being able to resist, and giving in... is one of the best feelings ever. It was a budding desire and I gave in with no reservations. Feeling more lost and out of touch with the little giddy me that's so long been absent, I passed by a Historical Site sign along I-90 outside of Wallace, Idaho and while many of you wouldn't have a second thought for the brown road sign, it screamed to me "HERE I AM! AMY, COME AND ENJOY US." I know that's not grammatically correct, but really, that's kind of how it goes. I was alone in my car, with an agenda I was free to dictate. Damn straight I got off that freeway. It was a chance to explore, to wander, to enjoy, to learn, and to relish in. It was a road to which I knew no destination, a tiny sign displaying only an arrow and camera, and you couldn't have excited me more. WHAT IS UP HERE.......?! CHECK IT OUT! The rest can wait! This is where we are! This is what makes it AWESOME. This is where you get stories, where you get the "oh" factor, where you find the peace, where you see the 15 year old boy dragging out his 6 point elk with a bigger and more prideful grin than even Tyler Knott could put into words!
Slowly, I put my car in second gear, and everything stops. Even my radio seems to find itself turned off, my window rolls down, and the crisp 45 degree fall morning air fills my car. The occasional chimney smoke comforts my mind and as each leaf falls from the trees each breath goes a little deeper, a little slower. Random speed limit signs ask you to keep it under 35 and I glance at my speedometer holding a good 20 mph, and grin :) Further up I wander along the one lane road and when the first road side historical sign appears, I want to stop, but putz by, and then realize, Ames, there is no reason to drive on. You're here for you. Stop and read that baby. Its a short story explaining the ruins that lie before me; how in the 1800's when mining was booming in this small canyon, a war with the union went ary and became just that - a war. The gunfire broke out when stray bullets hit the dynamite demolishing the quarry. It was a sight to see, frozen in time. Amazing considering the spring run off that must come each year.
I continue on unsatisfied and unconvinced that this is all there is to see. My drive takes another hour or so of my Friday and what an hour well spent. I discovered a ghost town yet to be condemned and plenty of fall foliage to make you remember why October is one of the best months out of the year. The sun had yet to make its debut in the bottom of the canyon yet it lit up the tips of trees peering out just high enough, igniting them in beautiful color. Dew still formed on the veggies below and the quiet morning played a harmonic soundtrack for the six hunters who passed me on their four wheelers. Hard to believe I let someone pass me eh? I followed the road for quite some time until I realized the terrain I was on is of that which low profile tires aren't made for, so I turned it around :) Another reason why I miss my truck. All in all, seriously beautiful drive, so quiet, and exactly what I needed. It had been one hell of a rough morning and time spent like that is, well, time well spent. It wasn't about forgetting about everything else, but more of a chance to get to know the "M" function a little bit better on my camera.
October 15, 2009
houston. we have a problem.
“But really, what is normal? This trip has opened my eyes to so many amazing, unbelievable and breathtaking things that I will never be the same. I don’t know when I will fill these pages with ink again, and I do not know where I will be when I do so, but I can not wait for it whenever and wherever it may be. This life is a beautiful one, and a much smarter man than I once said, “When we have seen Reality, there is not a grain of dust which has not a sublime meaning.”
Until then…”
.... IF blogger allowed me, or if I could figure out how, to reblog, this is one I would have done in an instant. Please excuse me for the copy/paste combo and give all credit to Tyler Knott Gregson.
While the preceding words hit home I can't say that I wrote them - how very glad I am that HE did. I don't know guys, you never think that it works out this way and I've spent everyday since March 13 TRYING, desperately TRYING, to get a grasp on what IS. My perception of everything hasn't necessarily CHANGED but I have absolutely NO idea what to do with myself. Now that I know, now that I've been, that I've seen, that I've FELT, I don't want .... no, let me rephrase that, I CAN'T, I physically CANNOT do anything less. But its left me with doing absolutely nothing. How very funny - I want to do it ALL, I want to do big things I want to act I want to probe I want to motivate I want to LIVE I want to enjoy I want to help and yet, I've done nothing.
Nothing.
And still, nothing. Sometimes I wish I never would have gone. And sometimes I wonder if its just me, but then, I read this, what Tyler has written so long ago, and I realize what I feel is very real. There are millions of NZ visitors returning to their homes continuing life, now and then bringing out the photo album to share when family asks how their vacation was. VACATION!? Hahahahaha. I WISH it felt that way! :) SO MUCH MORE THAN A VACATION!!! I realize that many people whom I haven't talked to (and really I haven't shared this with anyone as I've been trying to sort it out in my own GD head for the last seven months) that understand. I'm sorry. I'm guessing no one takes a second fleeting thought about the trip because to them, it falls under the category of a Mexican vacation, or a sweet Caribbean cruise... to me? Nothing of the sort! Not even in the slightest except that I took a plane to both places! It was so much more than that! SO MUCH MORE. I can't tell you! I feel silly so silly saying that, but its true! What happened to a girl wandering the roads of New Zealand on her own, exploring every nook and cranny that beckoned her interest... SHIT. That's how I feel about it. SHIT. You guys, its not TRAVELING that I so enjoy. No. I have no desire to see all ends of the earth, to do all that there is to do, to visit the wonders of the world... those are all wonderful things, but they are no source of motivation. Not for me. I am not an aimless wanderer seeking to find the next opportunity that allows me to travel to a new place and move on again in 8-10 months. I LOVE the adventure, but it has nothing to do with traveling. And I mean that.
So many opportunities surround us here, so many job openings and places of employment but the thought of working like that, of doing that everyday, that same thing where you make accomplishments and you achieve your weekly goals and keep the ball rolling and make your paycheck... makes me want to hurl. Not in the snooty valley girl sense of "oh my god, work? ew." But in that I really feel like its not fair. I want to TOUCH ALL ENDS OF THE EARTH. I want to be a voice. I want to be a voice. And sitting, working, doing one thing....
Hmmm foggy. Uncharted waters. I don't want to say too much because I'm not exactly honed in and I have a tendency to get over-excited and say things I don't mean.
The long and the short of it is, I can't stand it. I want to be more. I want to do more. I want to be a part of something big. And if not a soul on this earth ever hears about it, that's just okay with me. This isn't about fame or importance or recognition, heavens no. Even writing about it here is a bit of overkill for me, but I've been thinking about it NON STOP and I had to try something. I've been told "I hope you can be content"... and I've long tossed and turned and you know, I do too. But, I won't settle. A sin of itself to ignore what it is that burns inside you and to fight yourself to go another direction. Does everyone feel this way?
Until then…”
.... IF blogger allowed me, or if I could figure out how, to reblog, this is one I would have done in an instant. Please excuse me for the copy/paste combo and give all credit to Tyler Knott Gregson.
While the preceding words hit home I can't say that I wrote them - how very glad I am that HE did. I don't know guys, you never think that it works out this way and I've spent everyday since March 13 TRYING, desperately TRYING, to get a grasp on what IS. My perception of everything hasn't necessarily CHANGED but I have absolutely NO idea what to do with myself. Now that I know, now that I've been, that I've seen, that I've FELT, I don't want .... no, let me rephrase that, I CAN'T, I physically CANNOT do anything less. But its left me with doing absolutely nothing. How very funny - I want to do it ALL, I want to do big things I want to act I want to probe I want to motivate I want to LIVE I want to enjoy I want to help and yet, I've done nothing.
Nothing.
And still, nothing. Sometimes I wish I never would have gone. And sometimes I wonder if its just me, but then, I read this, what Tyler has written so long ago, and I realize what I feel is very real. There are millions of NZ visitors returning to their homes continuing life, now and then bringing out the photo album to share when family asks how their vacation was. VACATION!? Hahahahaha. I WISH it felt that way! :) SO MUCH MORE THAN A VACATION!!! I realize that many people whom I haven't talked to (and really I haven't shared this with anyone as I've been trying to sort it out in my own GD head for the last seven months) that understand. I'm sorry. I'm guessing no one takes a second fleeting thought about the trip because to them, it falls under the category of a Mexican vacation, or a sweet Caribbean cruise... to me? Nothing of the sort! Not even in the slightest except that I took a plane to both places! It was so much more than that! SO MUCH MORE. I can't tell you! I feel silly so silly saying that, but its true! What happened to a girl wandering the roads of New Zealand on her own, exploring every nook and cranny that beckoned her interest... SHIT. That's how I feel about it. SHIT. You guys, its not TRAVELING that I so enjoy. No. I have no desire to see all ends of the earth, to do all that there is to do, to visit the wonders of the world... those are all wonderful things, but they are no source of motivation. Not for me. I am not an aimless wanderer seeking to find the next opportunity that allows me to travel to a new place and move on again in 8-10 months. I LOVE the adventure, but it has nothing to do with traveling. And I mean that.
So many opportunities surround us here, so many job openings and places of employment but the thought of working like that, of doing that everyday, that same thing where you make accomplishments and you achieve your weekly goals and keep the ball rolling and make your paycheck... makes me want to hurl. Not in the snooty valley girl sense of "oh my god, work? ew." But in that I really feel like its not fair. I want to TOUCH ALL ENDS OF THE EARTH. I want to be a voice. I want to be a voice. And sitting, working, doing one thing....
Hmmm foggy. Uncharted waters. I don't want to say too much because I'm not exactly honed in and I have a tendency to get over-excited and say things I don't mean.
The long and the short of it is, I can't stand it. I want to be more. I want to do more. I want to be a part of something big. And if not a soul on this earth ever hears about it, that's just okay with me. This isn't about fame or importance or recognition, heavens no. Even writing about it here is a bit of overkill for me, but I've been thinking about it NON STOP and I had to try something. I've been told "I hope you can be content"... and I've long tossed and turned and you know, I do too. But, I won't settle. A sin of itself to ignore what it is that burns inside you and to fight yourself to go another direction. Does everyone feel this way?
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