If I told you I had to pee outside in our backyard during my workday, would you believe me?

(Publishing posts from the past. This one hails from Spring of 2017 when we had first moved to Florida and were renovating our first home. Plz continue 2025 commentary following the revived content.)

You should because it's true.

Pooping was a whole other story.

Some other things that have been going on around here - I ended up moving my computer over to our place while we're crashing with Adam's mom to help with staying focused on work during the day. It's nice and keeps me much more concentrated but I do miss the comings and goings and of course having two of the best coworkers ever, read: dogs.

1. Cleaning out the gutters.
2. Cutting concrete, pouring concrete, shaping concrete.
3. Paddle-boarding in the ocean.

2025, lets hit it: I strongly disliked paddle-boarding y'all. I bought the damn thing sitting in Northern California thinking I was so clever utilizing my delicious outdoor gear discount before I departed the industry. Now, at 40, its easy to admit and see that girl was not so subtly masking her emotions in retail therapy with ostentatious purchases via an exclusive access point I was forcibly giving up maybe forever. Ugh, for crying out loud. I was distractedly shopping for the paddle board at our company's annual sales meeting where I was supposed to be delivering my comprehensive and strategic marketing plan that I had been busting my ass, staying up late night, weekends, developing. It was my brain child! I had master minded the shit out of this thing, leveraging relationships, continuity, a spent budget, and challenging internal relationships to align stories from thought leaders paired with sexy imagery evoking a sense of people and place that you too could touch if you only dawned our apparel (and spent $6 - $10K on an international trip). I had landed this stretch of a job, the GM had taken a bold chance on me, and I spent months making up for my imposter syndrome by learning heaps about myself and marketing in the process. This strategic, seasonal marketing plan was my baby and I was forced to hurriedly brief the individual who was inheriting our brand only hours prior to delivering the work to hundreds of employees and sales agents who had come to the meeting evaluating the work corporate had been investing into ensuring the product launch would be successful. I had my Helen Hunt moment from "What Women Want" and I didn't want a Helen Hunt moment from "What Women Want". To be fair, neither did she. So there I sat, feeling cast off to the side, watching my work tumble across the slides, fumbled in delivery, and therefore in adoption and appreciation. 

It was my identity. I had made it my identity and invested in my future in that identity. This was my (our) path, that we had agreed to take. And it was being taken from me. I was giving it away. My own identity. 

So what better else to do than to adopt a new one. Look! A paddle board. We're moving to the coast. I'll be a paddle board chick in the mornings before work. How neat! How much? Whatever. I can't feel anything right now! 

I'm dying laughing out loud right now. This is all so silly! What's more silly? I sold it later, hated the damn thing, the ocean completely freaks me out. Maybe because the first time I remember setting foot in one I was 20 years old. Anyway, maybe 3-4 years later after I bought/tried/hated/sold the first board, do you want to know what Adam got me for CHRISTMAS?! hahahahahahahaha. 

I suppose there are some gaps to fill in around the identity piece and why my job was being taken away. Another day. Duty calls! Work. Not poo. Jeez.

"Let's Boogie!"

If you asked me, I would say that "Let's boogie" is one of Sean's most frequently used statements either in reaching out, or in response. I love it. It makes me laugh and sets the tone for positivity every time.

Tonight, I started reading the syllabus for my first class as a student at the University of Florida working on a Master's in Leadership Development within the school of Agricultural Education and Communication (mouthful!) and I am practically coming out of my chair with excitement at the assignments and projects we have for the semester. Adam had to ask me to hold off on the first paper until at least class starts.

Let me give you an example:

"The purpose of this autobiographical essay is to increase self-awareness of the cultures and beliefs you represent and that shape your life experiences as a global leader and community member."


You guys. I get to spend 6-8+ hours a week studying leadership, defining leadership and working with LIKE MINDED PEOPLE in discussions on leadership. Is this real life? 

On top of that, I'm going to be volunteering for an undergraduate class with a professor who graduated from... wait for it.... GONZAGA. He is teaching a foundational leadership course where we are educating students on leadership theory with the understanding that many successful leaders learn it from practicing it, but we will study the scholarly discipline of leadership theory. Students are asked to examine and develop their own philosophy statements after studying leadership and interviewing leaders. I CANNOT WAIT. To plant those seeds and provide that exposure, hoping to instill some personal interest, inspiration or insight, sounds like the best possible use of my time on this planet. 

And the best part is, it's happening. This isn't some idea or lofty thought that I can get lost in while driving from one appointment to another. It is a responsibility and obligation that I know get to fill per the emails in my inbox, the immunization records I need to turn in so I can register, the books to buy, and the meeting with my advisor tomorrow on campus. No, this isn't sometime. This is now. It starts on January 8. I'm going to have one hell of a 2019. 

Let's boogie.

One is reminded, at a deeper level than all words, how making a living and making a life sometimes point in opposite directions.

Pico Iyer

A business passion unbeknownst to me.

<digging this out of archives from my tumblr in 2012>

I found myself more than once now doing a bit of market research for a business colleague of one fashion or another looking to up their social media efforts. I haven’t yet made a profit off of such ventures/projects, but it’s all the same to me because I’m having quite the enjoyable time doing it. Within a few hours (that’s Amy time - I’ve been absorbed for probably 5) I can get a solid grasp of a market, its competitors, what they’re doing and how my “client” can get ahead. I love it. I LOVE IT. I get to sneak around and pick apart information and approach and apply critical thinking and experience based knowledge to suggest how you can sweep the market and impress the customer. If you show that you know your stuff online through a variety of channels, your customer, the one that’s shopping and you don’t know it yet, will be impressed with you and most likely you’ll be the first they’ll look to for professional work. That said, you can’t just fill those channels with blanks, people!
What do you fill them with? Well, you’ll just have to ask me sometime :)

“I’ve noticed that some of the most effective leaders don’t make themselves the center of attention. They are respectful. They listen. This is an appealing personal quality, but it’s also an effective leadership attribute. Their selflessness makes the people around them comfortable. People open up, speak up, contribute. They give those leaders their very best.”


Sam Palimisano, Chairman and CEO, IBM, on the Best Advice I’ve Ever Got

slow down

"But, what am I going to do in Florida?" I asked Adam as I could feel it begin to sink in that we would live there someday. Someday soon.

We were on a house-hunting, property discovery trip with my father after he had returned from the Philippians and was feeling like it may be a bit too far for him. And a bit too lonely with the language barrier and the area he was most interested in living. But the sun, he said. And the fruit. All his aches and pains subsided and he looked younger than I can recall seeing him in my entire life. There was new life in his face and that giddy goofiness that cause all who meet him to quickly have an affinity for his company.

So, when Adam and I were visiting Florida over the holidays, enjoying the sounds of the ocean and wrapping up by the fire in merely a blanket or optional hoody, my dad crossed my mind. I got it. I love that life, too. And I could imagine it being mine, and why couldn't it also be his? It's no secret the older you get and the more life experiences you have, you begin to understand and appreciate the value of your family and spending TIME together. Time. Dinners on random nights, stopping by, helping with chores, and maybe for us, taking the kids for a moment while we run to wherever.

I hesitantly brought the idea up, as you do when you're not totally sure if you're on to something or if you want it, to Adam & his mom. The moment it left my mouth it made sense and I could see it land. Adam's mom got it right away. She has a way of seeing through it all & she knew where I was at and what that would mean for us. For Dad, and for me. For our little family and the pieces of it that are shattered across the PNW. It was me voicing my desire to attempt to repair, or to make something of what was left. That it's not all over, and there is still plenty of life to live, and while it sucks, it's hard and not ever what anyone asked for or wanted, there is a sliver of hope and joy in taking what we've got (read, each other) and making something from it. What from it? The most of it. Making the most of it.

So, after a few walks around the block, a restless night in bed with conflicting emotions, a wave a Mother Ocean, I threw the idea out there and it stuck. Dad could see it too, and granted it started out with the suggestion that Adam and I could get a place with a mother-in-law suite and dad would have a place to get away to, to be around family, it quickly turned into a full-time move. A couple weeks later the three of us found ourselves on a flight to Florida to show Dad the area and see if it was a good fit. As we did, I could tell that the next time we'd be flying south, it would be in a car with all of our shit. Dad was TBD, but I could sense that it was a done deal for us. There is something very real about the pull my husband has to that place and to his family. I often forget it is his homeland, until we're there and I can see how much he loves it. And as we toured around, his hospitality shown through and I couldn't help but give in to my fate. I married a southern man, and I'm about to be a sourthern wife.

Ha! But what the hell did that mean? The same question I asked 3 hours after I said yes to marriage.

"Well so, what does this mean?

Like, what is a wife?

Am I supposed to change?

I don't want to change.

Oh, my gosh. I don't want to be married. Have you seen "x"?! That's not us!"

My poor husband. We did it, and I had no comprehension of what a FANTASTIC decision that was and how all of my friends have been living in this other realm of life where you have a PARTNER. A best freaking friend that you can be yourself with and grow with and on and on.

Back to Florida. We're moving there and I still sometimes struggle with what I'm going to do there. But, you know what? I'm going to remember what it's like to be my best SELF. Plain and freaking simple, I'm going to be me. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to slow down. I'm going to slow down enough to remember what it's LIKE to be me. I may just read an article all the way through. Or finish a book! Or go for a run. No, like a full on run that lasts more than 15 minutes. Because my brain isn't flooded with work lists and to-do's and stressing itself out because I don't know how to write that contract but that person is waiting on me and how do we forecast for a catalog and what should we feature? Was that the right thing? What about this thing? I forgot that thing. Good god, just talking about it makes me laugh! It's been real, I'm grateful, I love Seattle, I'm so glad I was a Marketing Manager for a global apparel company, but you know what, it's on to the next chapter. Hello, Southern Beach Living, we're coming for ya.

Make it up!

Individual traits and circumstances have to be taken into account. Making it up is not winging it.  It’s being innovative.

So take a look at the tried and tested methods.  See what has worked for other people.  But really keep your eyes open, don’t just follow the steps.  Think about what aspects you can take and build upon for yourself.  And if there isn’t anything plausible out there, make it up.

Or someone else will.

20 Brutal Truths We All Need to Hear

Inc. has been one of my favorite publications for years. I think I first found them in a Barnes & Noble long before smartphones and now I most often find them on just that, my phone, browsing the internets. They produce such great work. Cut to the chase, down to the bone, tell it like it is. Some of these following items are "duh" statements, but others are ones that deserve to be reminded of. Time is all we've got. Surely, we're all doing the best with what we have, but there is no harm in looking up to that bright light that is your best self and doing what you can to get there. Application is difficult, start with awareness. Then start giving it your best shot. If you trip and fall, look back, evaluate, discuss, and develop a plan for the next time. Because you know there is a next time. 

I believe the pursuit of the best self. I'm not too great at it for my own person, so I try to lift up others. Maybe that is me being my best self. And spreading goodness and wisdom like this to create that awareness that hopefully adds a light to someone's life. Not all of us will walk away and instill these 20 things into our thought process, but if one, two, maybe three find a home in there, we are on the right path. 

20 Brutal Truths About Life No One Wants to Admit (Originally posted on Inc.com) 

1. You're going to die and you have no idea when.

Stop pretending that you're invincible- acknowledge the fact of your own mortality, and then start structuring your life in a more meaningful way.

2. Everyone you love is going to die, and you don't know when.

This truth may be saddening at first, but it also gives you permission to make amends with past difficulties and re-establish meaningful relationships with important figures in your life.

Fear

Happily, as the Universe once wrote, when you feel fear, it invariably means you're:

   

1. Exactly where you're supposed to be.

2. Doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

3. Becoming more than you've ever been before!

Homelessness and all it's complexities.

I'm so incredibly torn on this subject. Having run through this part of town recently and feeling incredibly unsafe, I immediately have one strong reaction to this article. However, being with someone in the affordable housing national real estate market and able to hear first hand the figures on the market and effects of the Seattle economy on the local affordable housing market, makes me think twice about my opinion. It's a difficult subject with a gnawingly frustrating solution. With my short stint in Australia, I was able to enjoy a thriving metropolitan area with similar demographics to Seattle in terms of age and affluence, but they managed their homelessness quite well. What is it that we're doing wrong, or could be doing differently? I don't know. I wish I did, but for the very reason we're in this place reading these articles, no one really knows. It sure as hell ain't easy.

Read and listen: Amid Seattle's Affluence, Homelessness Also Flourishes

watch: SUPing & Dogs.

new beginnings.

So cliche, but I can't help myself. Here I sit, yet again, at the start of a new adventure and this time, I am finding it a little more troubling than usual to get my feet underneath me and start producing. I suppose that is because the stakes are higher because in the end, it's the same as it's always been, but now with so much riding on it, I don't find myself rising to the occasion, but rather experiencing complete deer-in-the-headlights effect. Which is odd. And it could change. I bet you if I went back into my journals and read the entry's that were around the times in which I was starting a new journey, they would all have the same sentiment. And slowly, over time, I would be writing less in the journal, and kicking more butt in the real world.

I had been asking God to challenge me, to push me, to get me in a situation where I no longer had excuses and was forced to be the best version of myself. To grow professionally in the ways that I wanted to grow, as well as an adult. Was that all overrated? I don't think so, but I can't seem to slap myself awake and sink my teeth in and GO FOR IT. What am I afraid of? What is holding me back? Why am I doubting myself, the same person who asked for these challenges because she wanted to prove that she could? Well, now if there is a saying for someone who is their own black kettle, please tell me because it's applicable here. Hm, the other saying, "she knew she could, so she did" was often one that I garnered a lot of inspiration & motivation from. Not applicable here because I have no idea. It's like this is an exercise in proving that saying to myself. Perhaps I'll start to see a light that makes me feel differently. I guess that if you sat me down and asked me, in my heart of hearts, do I think I can do it? Can I win? Can I accomplish these tasks and lead this machine? Yes. I do. I suppose where I sit today in my headlight stance, is not a matter of wether or not I can move, but an information overload that has frozen my personal RAM. Totally capable, just, not in this capacity.

Like I said, I have been here before. I know what this place leads to and I know that you must go through it to gain anything. So, smarty pants, since you know all of the things, it's high time we just start doing them. One foot, in front of the other.

When in doubt, bake.

I get so antsy sometimes. And in a life long ago, I would tamper the antsy-ness with baking. Which then turned into cooking after I got smart and purchased some out of this world cooking books. Discovering recipes that were extremely challenging and had lists of ingredients I never heard of before, were an utter joy. A challenge to accept. A reason to drink a bottle of wine and dance around the kitchen!

Anyway, my loving man has found a new favorite thing - cooking. You would have never guessed it. I would have never guessed it! But coming home and busting out his defrosted protein and whipping up an accompanying veggie is his new favorite thing. As such, mine too! But then comes a time when the itch starts to kick in again and all I want to do is cook. I want to chop and wiggle my hips and stir and mix, and sting my eyes with the scent of onion and hydrate my face with steam from beneath the lid. I want to YouTube "how to slice fennel" and wait not-so-patiently as the seeds brown in the oil. I want to stir six times, let sit, spin twice, add one egg, stir, add one more. It's so fun! Following the directions, reading along with Senora Child, following her train of thought and ending up with a concoction I never imagined I could produce. It's the greatest feeling of accomplishment. Having something tangible, (tastable even!) to show after your efforts. And you learn so much. You start to build a relationship with food. Understand how it all works together - the flavors, the science, the art of mixing, cooking, boiling, basting.

So, tonight, I got to cook. And it just brings back all the feel goods. And I won't stop. Dinner is in the oven and I'm starting on the dessert - most of which will go to work tomorrow to avoid the over-indulging of pumpkin and sugar-infused cream cheese. But tonight, we bake. We make. We dance and we drink. Our wedding certainly doesn't boast the budget for foodies, but hopefully our guests will pick up on how much we like to indulge our senses through food and beverages. We spend hours, probably a product of no kids, enjoying, discussing and making noises indicative of how much we love the food! It brings people together and is incredibly fun to share.

With some free time coming up for the weekend and only so many miles a girl can hike, I am pretty confident I'll be fulfilling my desire for cooking and baking. Which is a win because last year I had planned on delivering baskets of goodies to friends and neighbors on accord of the holiday, but ran out of time. This will be on the tails of Thanksgiving, but at least the peeps at work won't mind :)

Indira Gandhi

Never shake hands with a clenched fist.

Francis of Assisi

Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.