Try writing for fun. (!)

 So, "why is it so hard to live a disciplined life when it feels so good?" 

Is the simple question I throw into the living room Monday evening at 9P. To be fair, I am making the time all too late in the day to address my homework which includes "Think of a time you were living as the best version of yourself and note the values I was living at that time". The prompt naturally turned me off because if only it were that simple - I mean, you can see where this is going. Think of a time when were you most happy. Consider what were the values were you honoring at that time. Write those down and consider how you can live those more in your current life, aka - now just do that! However, despite the annoyance of the exercise, it became overshadowed by an emerging sense of gratification and fulfillment. Why?

Spending time to answer those (annoying and somewhat predictable) questions was actually quite fulfilling. 

Not in the sense of the question itself or the intended outcome, but in the push to sit and commit my thoughts and time to an effort that evoked disinterest and dread. THAT was the good part. 

And she said to write for fun! And I'm having it! I doubt the intent was to write about the exercise I am supposed to be doing, but from a performative and pleasing perspective, I am technically still doing my homework. What I find even more baffling than the reward scenario as described above is how even though at a very intense and specific, fundamental level I am aware of this psychological game, I am routinely surprised by it when I encounter it in real life. Listen, my interest in resilience and the opportunity to commit 3 years of my life to reading and studying the topic has blessed me with some great insight to the human brain and subsequent behaviors (y'all I lost a friend over my god damn reason to advocate for science and stand in my truth) and yet to know something and live something are very different things. Yes, yes, yes, I know you also know this. Roll your eyes, I'll look away. 

Alas, I am not as fortunate and remain to find myself in a life where despite what I know, I still act differently (weird, its because I am human) than I would otherwise recommend to a friend living the same experience. Lucky for me, I do get to experience these little reminders, breaths' of fresh air, glimpses of light, that while we seek comfort and "pain-free" lifestyles, it is actually in the "pain" that we can feel most alive, present, and aware experience great feelings of presence, reward, and gratification. Feeling alive, present, and aware is achievable through so much more. And if you know me, much like Adam Grant in Think Again, people who make absolute statements about their knowledge that then stake claim on things and how the world works drives me nuts.