amy rocks, okay?

"Do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am - a reluctant enthusiast....a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men and women with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this; You will outlive them....

ONE WEEK UNTIL IM MONTANA BOUND. I can make it. Oh baby, I'll be counting down the hours!

David's birthday is coming up, only a couple weeks away and FRICK if I can't find us a place to stay. Timberline secluded cabin? Have to have 12 people to book. If only I had a million dollars, I could pay for everyone, all of our friends. I guess something to put on the list for "dreams". Forest Service cabins are booked YEARS out in advance. WHO KNEW?! WHO KNEW!? I knew the line at REI always seems a little long each time I've gone in but I didn't realize that those people are actually out doing things in the woods! They're all so urbanator that it didn't seem possible! I miss Montana. Everyone has their own cabin to hang out in so the Forest Service ones are always up for grabs. It's looking like my romantic birthday getaway weekend idea is SHOT. Time for a backup plan.. but how could anything beat hiking in to a look out tower with a view of Hood, Jefferson, Adams and St. Helens?! I did find a Treehouse Hotel - but damn if it's not five ...

I am so annoyed with myself and I knew it all along, how come it took this long to wake up one morning and say "AMY!? WTF?!" I got in my own head and thought about stuff too much. I told myself I was silly for loving to take photographs when they weren't amazing shots, or didn't make sense to anyone else. I got insecure about my inner voice and personal enjoyment and convinced myself to stop. That it didn't make sense. That I was being silly. That there was no value in what I found interesting and fun. That it wasn't the fact I am alone without people like me, but more that people thought I was weird/odd/immature/CRAZY and way too lighthearted. Why is the world full of evil people that you let make you feel bad about yourself? That you want so much to impress you become insecure when they don't approve? And tell yourself it's your fault? People you don't idolize but are you employers and you want so painfully much to do a great job that you try you...

The concert we went to last night knocked my socks off. It was a blast to see how the crowd was an older demographic than we expected and even better that the band played sitting down and we enjoyed them in the same relaxed fashion. Twas a blast :) We'll gather in my name,  The morning will begin, It's all or nothing over there, It's teasing me again. I am not to be martyred,  I am not to be worshipped, I did it not to be strong, strong, strong, I implicate no other in this crime. I'm off on a rocket ship ecstatic with the view, I am scared of the things upcoming, And I want for the things I don't have, Cannot stand to be one of many. I'm not what they are I'm not what they are.

How incredibly beautifully put.