So, when Adam and I were visiting Florida over the holidays, enjoying the sounds of the ocean and wrapping up by the fire in merely a blanket or optional hoody, my dad crossed my mind. I got it. I love that life, too. And I could imagine it being mine, and why couldn't it also be his? It's no secret the older you get and the more life experiences you have, you begin to understand and appreciate the value of your family and spending TIME together. Time. Dinners on random nights, stopping by, helping with chores, and maybe for us, taking the kids for a moment while we run to wherever.
I hesitantly brought the idea up, as you do when you're not totally sure if you're on to something or if you want it, to Adam & his mom. The moment it left my mouth it made sense and I could see it land. Adam's mom got it right away. She has a way of seeing through it all & she knew where I was at and what that would mean for us. For Dad, and for me. For our little family and the pieces of it that are shattered across the PNW. It was me voicing my desire to attempt to repair, or to make something of what was left. That it's not all over, and there is still plenty of life to live, and while it sucks, it's hard and not ever what anyone asked for or wanted, there is a sliver of hope and joy in taking what we've got (read, each other) and making something from it. What from it? The most of it. Making the most of it.
So, after a few walks around the block, a restless night in bed with conflicting emotions, a wave a Mother Ocean, I threw the idea out there and it stuck. Dad could see it too, and granted it started out with the suggestion that Adam and I could get a place with a mother-in-law suite and dad would have a place to get away to, to be around family, it quickly turned into a full-time move. A couple weeks later the three of us found ourselves on a flight to Florida to show Dad the area and see if it was a good fit. As we did, I could tell that the next time we'd be flying south, it would be in a car with all of our shit. Dad was TBD, but I could sense that it was a done deal for us. There is something very real about the pull my husband has to that place and to his family. I often forget it is his homeland, until we're there and I can see how much he loves it. And as we toured around, his hospitality shown through and I couldn't help but give in to my fate. I married a southern man, and I'm about to be a sourthern wife.
Ha! But what the hell did that mean? The same question I asked 3 hours after I said yes to marriage.
"Well so, what does this mean?
Like, what is a wife?
Am I supposed to change?
I don't want to change.
Oh, my gosh. I don't want to be married. Have you seen "x"?! That's not us!"
My poor husband. We did it, and I had no comprehension of what a FANTASTIC decision that was and how all of my friends have been living in this other realm of life where you have a PARTNER. A best freaking friend that you can be yourself with and grow with and on and on.
Back to Florida. We're moving there and I still sometimes struggle with what I'm going to do there. But, you know what? I'm going to remember what it's like to be my best SELF. Plain and freaking simple, I'm going to be me. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to slow down. I'm going to slow down enough to remember what it's LIKE to be me. I may just read an article all the way through. Or finish a book! Or go for a run. No, like a full on run that lasts more than 15 minutes. Because my brain isn't flooded with work lists and to-do's and stressing itself out because I don't know how to write that contract but that person is waiting on me and how do we forecast for a catalog and what should we feature? Was that the right thing? What about this thing? I forgot that thing. Good god, just talking about it makes me laugh! It's been real, I'm grateful, I love Seattle, I'm so glad I was a Marketing Manager for a global apparel company, but you know what, it's on to the next chapter. Hello, Southern Beach Living, we're coming for ya.
